ranting ranting blahblahblah TL;DR
Eating Disorder Awareness Week is honestly taking such a toll on me. I had no idea I’d react SO POORLY to everyone posting things/holding events/doing things in honor of this week. It’s been really hard…and I’ve been really hard on myself and today was just a shit day after my dad left campus (he visited for lunch today, yay). I got all self-depricating and self-body-hating and it sucked. I hate when this happens.
Sometimes it makes me scared to try to spread awareness because I know how hard it is for me to see posters about ED awareness around campus so I worry about other people who are just starting recovery and seeing those things is REALLY hard. I just hope that someone who is suffering will see them and be positively affected but I can’t help thinking about other people like me who are being hurt by it.
And on top of it, I’ve been all exercise- and calories-obsessed again lately and I’M JUST BUGGING OUT. Part of me knows I need to have some control over how I feel about myself…but I remember how dangerously in control I got over it before and I don’t want to go back there.
In other news…I feel so bad for my poor friend Jon who deals with me on a daily basis but honestly he’s the only reason I’m not still a mess right now. He let me cry on his shoulder for 20 minutes today and just hugged me and listened…and now I feel better. I’m really, really lucky to have quite a few people like that in my life. So yay. There’s another positive about today.
Also Avril Lavigne just came on Pandora. Win again.
Sorry for my rant…just gotta get some thoughts out before my brain will shut off and go to sleep. :)
